The Pursuit of HappYness!

I recently quit working at a software company. Reason? I fortunately realized that I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I would have wanted to after all. Thought of using the time at hand now to begin a long-postponed quest - answers to my questions about a rather elusive, much hyped topic Happiness! No I don’t wish to emulate Gautam Buddha, Mahavir and the likes.. well just yet.. but have struggled with these questions way too long for my comfort. My priorities so far, albeit mistaken priorities, allowed an at-best half-hearted attempt to find these answers. The result, quite obvious, I struggle to date.

They say, don't seek a complicated explanation when a simple one exists! How very true! I began my search by looking for books, articles, people.. anything under the sun that would give me even the slightest hint to what happiness really is? Of course I would need a lottt of material to really understand the concept of Happiness I thought. And how wrong was I!

I was lucky to stumble upon a series of talks by an organization called ‘Brahmakumaris’. I occasionally listen to them on TV, mainly one Brahmakumari (BK) Sister Shivani who I personally think is a wonderful orator. Lucky for me, this series was by her.

I remember the first time I saw her on TV. Her attire gave me the impression that this is yet another Swamini giving hard to follow talks on morals, ethics.. all those heavy topics I have hated listening to. But hearing her speak just once changed my impression completely. She had me glued to the television and how? By speaking in extremely simple language, yes, but more importantly, talking sense; sharing thoughts and ideas to deal with situations that are extremely easy to digest and seem to be doable by laymen. So anyway.. with a lot of hope I started listening to all the lectures one after the other and boy was I shocked to hear what I did.

Firstly, what is happiness? Happiness, she says, is a state of being stable; not excited, not thrilled, not laughing all the time, not a temporary sense of pleasure; a state of being at peace with oneself; a state dependent only my own internal being; a state completely in one’s own control.

Our happiness is in our control? What really? That is not possible! Personally, I have always felt  happy only let’s say when I achieve something.. be it a material possession, the great score on a test, when someone says something nice to me. But I don’t seem to play the central role in any of this; I don’t seen to be the do-er. These are all external events which may, may not happen. I therefore may, may not be happy. Isn’t it? It depends on my luck and fate?

She demystified her statement by saying that it is me who makes my happiness dependent on these events. I create a thought in my head, if event A will happen, then I will be happy. Fortunately if event A does happen, I will be happy. But for how long? This will be a temporary state because very soon I will decide to be happy next only when event B will happen.

Whoa! How very true! I began rushing with the lectures a bit. I was too intrigued by now. More and more questions started popping in my head. Why are we subjecting ourselves to such pockets of happiness? Can we actually be happy always?

This was answered in the very next talk. A very fresh  perspective.. I am a happy person already she says; irrespective of the situations coming my way. We just chose otherwise.

For example, many of us have the tendency to blame others for our unhappiness. To this she said, we have no control over what others are doing but our reaction to it is our choice. If we give a person the power to hurt us, upset us then we need to take the responsibility for it because we are letting that person disturb our state of mind. Alternatively, if we decide to accept people around us with their fallacies and decide to not get affected by them, if we decide to be at peace anyway, we would retain complete control over our happiness.

This seemed very very comforting. Easier said than done I thought. But then it occurred to me. What if I repeat this to myself day in and day out.. I am a happy being. My happiness lies only in my hands. Is it possible that it will become part of my system? It is just about changing a deep rooted belief system at the end of the day, isn’t it? If so far we have convinced ourselves that happiness is external, can we spend the rest of our life convincing ourselves that it is in fact internal? I am sure it won’t take so long.. but even if it does, doesn’t the thought of moving in this direction itself contribute to our peace of mind?

I haven’t completed the series yet but picked up some huge pointers and tips already.

To be happy, be in the present moment. When I heard BK Shivani say this I was like.. not again!! To give you a background to this reaction, I have read quite a few self-help books (all in the attempt to find my answers mind you) and they all insist that one must be in the present; in the NOW. I never really understood why. But listening to these lectures I realized that I have convinced myself that I am unhappy in the present moment, well more often than not. A very natural outcome is that I start doing one of the following:

I fleet to the past. I start thinking of happier times when the situation was not like the current one. For some time this takes my mind off the present and gives me a sense of pleasure. But for how long? Very soon I am back seeing the present right in front of me.

Another reaction is to start imagining a future when the situation is not as bad as the current one. Again, for some time this takes my mind off the present and gives me a sense of pleasure. I am thinking of how life will be one day and I begin to feel very very “happy”? But for how long? Very soon I am back seeing the present right in front of me.

Let’s try a brand new outlook. What if I could look at reality right in the face, decide that it will not bog me down and deal with it like a man? Do whatever it takes to set things right NOW and be at peace, be stable, be happy NOW? Just take a moment here and think about this. Is it possible? Can we try and do this for lasting happiness instead of deceiving ourselves into temporary pleasures of the past and future?

I am convinced that this is not simple on the face of it but.. only because it is not a way of life for us yet. But the day it becomes? I think managing to do this even once will give us enough motivation, courage and strength for future trials and tribulations awaiting us. I see it this way, dealing successfully once with a tough situation at hand will build enough mettle in me for the next one down the road, similarly for the next situation and so on and so forth!

This seems like a technique to everlasting happiness to me and it seems too simple! Funny thing, just to be sure, I started second guessing this conclusion; I tried hard to see flaws in these deductions - a common attitude with my generation I guess. But couldn’t find any. Could you?

Chhandam Kathak Teacher's Training Program at Pune

No it wasn’t easy and yet what an experience!

Travelling early morning from Mumbai to Pune among lush greenery and a nothing short of amazing weather almost deceived me into thinking that I was going on vacation. It took one session of intensive Kathak training to come back to reality… I had signed up for 6 days of sheer HARD WORK!!!

6 of us (3 students from Mumbai and 3 from Kolkata) left on the morning of September 10, 2012 for an intensive Kathak teacher’s training program with Guruji, Pandit Chiresh Dasji and our teacher, Guruji’s disciple, Seema Mehta, Seema didi as we fondly call her.

I clearly remember what Seema didi said when we registered for the course,”I can't even tell you what all you are going to absorb, beyond the dance. I can teach you how to teach, but it is all the hidden magic behind it that matters too!” I didn’t really get her then. Magic? What could be magical about a Kathak teacher’s training course? At best learning excellent compositions from Guruji to perfection, which we would then teach other students. How mistaken was I in thinking this!

This is how our day at training would typically be. We would assemble in the dance hall at 7 am every day, warm-up and stretch till Guruji would join us at 7.30 am. And then would start a 1.5 hour session of intensive footwork. To give you an idea of what intensive means, picture this... alternate cycles of 16-gun (*) and 24-gun (**) tatkar to a point where your legs would completely give up. At this point Guruji would be kind enough to say, “Don’t stop, just continue at a comfortable footwork pace.” I would be sooo happy to hear this only to realize that I can’t lift my feet even for 8-gun tatkar(***) anymore!

This was also that hour of the day where the clock in front of us refused to move. We knew that this session would end at 9 am. After what seemed like an endless amount of footwork when we’d glance at the clock, it would appear to have not moved at all. Among all this high speed tatkar, tarikita footwork, the only respite would be the yummy, and may I add well-earned, breakfast awaiting us after the session.

I felt truly blessed on this trip to Pune. One, to be in the presence of a Kathak maestro like Guruji; two, learning from Guruji himself; three, learning at an extremely tranquil place away from the hustle bustle of the city, surrounded by greenery on all sides; four, getting to eat wholesome and tasty food which helped survive through the days of hard-core training.

After breakfast we would have a 2 hour session of relatively “lighter” footwork. Wondering why it was called lighter when it left us just as drenched with sweat as the morning session!

Next, a quick shower followed by lunch. Then would start some extremely interesting discussions about Kathak, ranging from the origin of Kathak to the importance it is given in modern times. It is during these discusssions that I realized more than ever why Guruji is called a ‘Modern Guru’ in training. When talking to Guruji I forgot on several occasions that we are from two completely different generations. He is 67 and most of us were in our 20s and 30s. It was surprising to see how Guruji could so easily get through to us using in fact the kind of language we would relate to.

When we asked Guruji how he manages to do this, he said that he spends a lot of time observing people. This is how he understands the mindset, psychology of most people he meets within a few minutes of interacting with them.

These discussions would typically end on all days with an amazing chai-pakora session (the chai and pakoras made by one of the students). This was such a traditional touch to our sessions every day. Having open-minded, like-minded people under one roof, discussing anything and everything to do with Indian culture over chuskis of chai... wow-o-wow! Oh and I must add... tons of sudden recitation tests by Guruji during these discussions to test sharpness, alertness of our mind.

Back to the dance once again. The evening session would be learning one of the lighter compositions which involved more of gatbhao, compositions comprising expressions and feelings. On a couple of days we needed to shower one more time after this session!

A well-deserved dinner then after a day of hard work. No matter how tired we were, none of us could go to sleep just yet. This was a golden opportunity to talk some more with Guruji. When else would we get such a chance? At this time the topics would be more about a comparison of the Chhandam School of Kathak in the US and India; the attitude of the students there and here; a comparison of the outlook of their parents there and here; Guruji’s life in Kolkata; how Kathak was back then, other classical dance forms in India..

Reluctantly we would get up to go sleep mainly because we knew that another day of hard work was lined up ahead. (We would need to sleep if we wanted to be able to survive it)

After 6 very quick days, the training course came to an end. We did want to go back now because our bodies were giving up. We were all challenging this has been both physically and mentally, discussing about sleeping through the next few days, getting massages... knowing all along how lucky we have been to have experienced time. We were already discussing when a similar training can be planned next!

Personally for me, life after this experience will never be the same. To put it in a nutshell, we learnt about our Indian culture, history, philosophy, mythology, etiquettes, organic maths, fitness, stamina, mental and spiritual strength….all through the dance! Simply unbelievable!

(*) 16-gun tatkar            

Tatkar is the basic footwork of Kathak. It involves 8 steps – Right left Right left, left right left right.

During 16-gun tatkar we impose 16 cycles of tatkar on 1 cycle of teen-taal consisting of 16 beats i.e. 1 cycle of tatkar per beat

(**) 24-gun tatkar           

During 24-gun tatkar we impose 16 cycles of tatkar on 1 cycle of teen-taal consisting of 16 beats i.e. 1.5 cycle of tatkar per beat

(***) 8-gun tatkar           

During 8-gun tatkar we impose 8 cycles of tatkar on 1 cycle of teen-taal consisting of 16 beats i.e. 1/2 cycle of tatkar per beat